Lab Notebook (IV) - What makes a good PhD thesis?

Some criteria of a good Ph.D. dissertation have been suggested by my friend Dr. Tian Hong. These are the original criteria and translations:

* A candidate's dissertation or published work must represent a contribution to knowledge, showing evidence of originality and independent critical power.

Translation: Make sure your thesis contains something that your committee members have never heard before, ideally something they can't even understand!

* A candidate must also satisfy the Examiners, by the dissertation or published work, and in the viva voce examination, that he or she is well acquainted with the general field of knowledge to which the subject relates.

Translation: Make sure your committee members like your ideas! And try to pretend you know almost everything in your field!

* Dissertations must make a significant original contribution in the particular field of learning within which the subject falls and their literary form must be satisfactory.

Translation: You should have a beautiful hardcover Ph.D. thesis to show your parents and friends. However, if the folks don't understand what you've done, you should at least convince them you really pushed science forward in YOUR FIELD!

Lab Notebook (III) - What makes a good PhD student?

According to an article in Nature (Nature 441, 252 (May 2006) | doi:10.1038/nj7090-252b), some suggestions for prospective Ph.D. students have been listed by Georgia Chenevix-Trench. The followings are the original suggestions and the translations:


* Choose a supervisor whose work you admire and who is well supported by grants and departmental infrastructure.

Translation: Find a supervisor who is definitely rich!

* Take responsibility for your project.
Translation: Make sure you're the first author in the papers.

* Work hard — long days all week and part of most weekends. If research is your passion this should be easy, and if it isn't, you are probably in the wrong field. Note who goes home with a full briefcase to work on at the end of the day. This is a cause of success, not a consequence.
Translation: Be prepared to be a slave!

* Take some weekends off, and decent holidays, so you don't burn out.
Translation: Vacations sometimes are good for you, but only sometimes......

* Read the literature in your immediate area, both current and past, and around it. You can't possibly make an original contribution to the literature unless you know what is already there.
Translation: Know how others did the experiments by that you can try to replicate them.

* Plan your days and weeks carefully to dovetail experiments so that you have a minimum amount of downtime.
Translation: You'll be assigned more jobs to do if you don't look busy anyway......

* Keep a good lab book and write it up every day.
Translation: Don't ever trust your goddamn memories!

* Be creative. Think about what you are doing and why, and look for better ways to go. Don't see your PhD as just a road map laid out by your supervisor.
Translation: At least try not to look stupid!

* Develop good writing skills: they will make your scientific career immeasurably easier.
Translation: Writing proposals and papers sucks! But you'll be forced to write some by your boss anyway......

* To be successful you must be at least four of the following: smart, motivated, creative, hard-working, skilful and lucky. You can't depend on luck, so you had better focus on the others!
Translation: If you're really lucky, you wouldn't sit here and read this stupid article!

Extremely Insightful and Incredibly Smart!

請問迄今有多少證據顯示全球平均溫度在上升呢？

又有多少證據顯示伊拉克的局勢逐漸在失控呢？

真相一定會嚇死你！

因為......

答案是零！！！！

一個證據有沒有！

為什麼呢？

答案很簡單，因為不管科學家多努力，費盡多少心力、花費多少時間在研究全球暖化後提出多少證據，讓科學界終於達成多難得一見的共識；也不管伊拉克的局勢怎麼混亂，敵對派系屠殺了多少平民，美軍在那死傷了多少精兵......最後總會有一個眾人皆睡唯他獨醒的小布希天才出來告訴你先知的預言：「冇這款代誌啦，管你媽的蛋頭學者或妓者提出多少鳥證據和狗屁報導，恁爸就是不相信！」

其實，在這個世界上，所有事物都可以有所關聯，也可以有所不關聯，這個那個關聯不是人們可以說得準的，幾個世紀以前大家都相信大腸圍繞地球轉，可是我可以告訴你，這是錯的，因為其實是地球繞著月餅轉！

如果你不相信也沒關係，反正很多人都在講的，通常都是錯的，你要相信你自己，千萬不要相信教科書和報紙上寫的，尤其是愈認真的人做的研究愈不要去相信。去信他們還不如去相信石油商其實沒有賺到錢，因為汽油太貴沒人去買，人家都嘛倒貼在賣。

不要以為我醉了，其實我才沒有，因為我寫完這篇才要去喝兩杯，因此在這裡我要告訴你的一個終極真理是：

小布希是神，信他得永生！

還有，以色列人果然是神的子民，你看人家幾個月前莫名其妙炸死多少穆斯林和基督徒，現在誰能拿他們怎麼樣？